In motherhood, we meet so many moments and topics where we’ll feel required to ‘choose one’ rather than feel both/all.

And if we feel like we can only ever choose one, we will, most likely, choose the socially acceptable one. The palatable one. The Good Mother one.

If we can only choose one: We can only be grateful. Fine.

It’s a restrictive straight jacket - cutting truth off at the knees. Leaving us with no where to go, or grow.

But our actual experiences exist in rich layers. A kaleidoscope of feelings and truths about our reality can exist side-by-side.

It’s a great thing to flesh out.

Why? Because single labels for our experiences can isolate us, stunt meaningful connection with others, minimise our needs, stop us from prioritising ourselves and prevent us from seeking support we deserve. Single labels keep us stuck and small. And they’re not great for maternal health outcomes.

Letting seemingly opposing things exist expands what’s possible in terms of being honest, having rich layered experiences and calling in support.

Embedded beliefs have taught us about who the Perfect Mother is even before we reach our own motherhood. We know the rules.

It goes something like this.

Become pregnant (easily). Love the pregnancy (every moment), defer to the experts (smiling), be grateful, be quiet. Become a mother - slim the body, clean the house, nourish the child, pick up a side hustle. Don’t Drop Anything. Be grateful that you now Have It All.

We understand what not to do - never be angry, bored, never question experts or the status quo.

In a culture of motherhood equals sacrifice, we are taught to feel guilty for prioritising our basic human needs and shame about any parts of our experiences that deviate from perceived perfection.

Maddeningly, it’s all so ingrained we barely see it. Can barely pin the words to articulate a single piece of it. We can’t create a new world and a new way when we can barely locate the sense of this unease. We might just file this one under ‘our own individual failing’. Swallow it down.

The story of this transition hasn’t always looked this way. It doesn’t have to look this way.

We can hand back anything that doesn’t serve us.

US Health and Human Services Secretary - Robert F. Kennedy Jr. stands to a microphone to describe who autistic children grow up to be:

“These are kids who will never pay taxes.”

Is our most true and beautiful world measured by each individual worker bees ability to pay tax?

What more interesting metrics could we use to measure the meaning of peoples lives?

How could we honour the rich diversity that exists when we explore what every soul in a human suitcase has to offer?

This is what I think about.

Who’s generating hope, who’s connecting community, who’s fostering safe attachments for the littles. Who’s caring for the animals, who’s rippling kindness, who’s exploring deep wells of knowledge, who’s advocating, who’s standing up even when their voice shakes.

Who’s finding solutions and who’s here to sit with us when solutions can’t be found.

Who’s creating art. Who’s making us laugh. Who’s making us to feel at home. Who’s feeding all the different parts of us. Who’s working hard to stop wars. Who’s regulating the individual and collective nervous system. Who’s creating good mischief. Who’s generating money and then funnelling it with intention.

And doesn’t all of that matter more than paying tax?

The time between knowing an induction is a possible / likely outcome and the birth itself - is about so much more than trying to establish labour naturally.

It is about supporting the outcome no matter which path is eventually taken. It's about realising that for women who find themselves in this position, the desired outcome isn't necessarily to go into labour naturally, but having an empowering birth experience.

Now with many years of these treatments under my belt and my own 42 week gestation birth induction story, I can say. Absolutely - a birth that's induced for true medical need can be a sacred and empowering experience.

Birthing my daughter taught me so.

I was recently interviewed on ‘No Place Like Homb’ podcast.

I talk about

• my own postpartum expereince

• reimagining postpartum / postpartum care to meet mothers with the care they have always deserved

• how we can make the transition to motherhood meaningful and beautiful